Finding a Family Support Network

Moving to a new country as a parent can be daunting for many reasons. The thought of leaving behind a support network of family friends is for many people one of their biggest concerns. How do you find friends you can share good times with but also trust to be there for you in an emergency?

For expat families with children in international schools, there is the huge advantage of a ready -made community of parents in the same position. These friendships may be more transient, due to families moving on after a couple of years. However, being in the same new and foreign situation is a fertile ground for strong relationships to develop quickly.

Finding close friends for those with preschool age children or children in local school might take a bit more effort. This is especially the case for those living away from the main expat areas. Local families often have grandparents, siblings, and godparents living close by, who provide a ready supply of helpers to call on in an emergency. These families may already have a full social calendar because of strong relationships with old friends. Asking for help when you won’t be called on to reciprocate can feel like imposing. It may be less comfortable to accept favours from local families than from expats who are in the same position as you are.

Joining an international church can be a particularly good way to find friends you can trust, if you happen to be religious. Meeting people in a welcoming community who share your values is for many people a shortcut to quickly making strong bonds with other families. International clubs and language classes are also a popular route to new contacts.

Ideally a support network needs to be local. Actively joining local clubs or volunteering to get involved in children’s activities, such as the Turnverein (gymnastics club) or Sportverein (sport/football club) is often a successful way to make long-term true friends. Building relationships this way may take a lot longer than expat friendships born of necessity, not least because of language difficulties, but can also be highly rewarding.

On arriving in small town outside Zurich, my friend decided to use the strategy of simply listening out for people speaking English in her local area and striking up a conversation. This approach has led her to a wonderfully diverse local friendship group! A more targeted approach, but one that needs some luck and good judgement, is to use Meet Up groups or englishforum.ch on the Internet. This has also been successful for friends of mine. In particular, one friend responded to a message from a newly arrived family with similar-aged children and formed a close and lasting friendship with someone from a completely different background to herself. In real life, their paths would never have crossed!

For me, the bedrock of my support network is my wonderful neighbours, both Swiss and Expat, who all live in the same apartment block. Apartment living makes it easy to spend time with other families and share childcare, particularly if the children get along well together. After years of playing together and weekly lunches in each other’s apartments, the children’s relationship is more like that of cousins than just friends. Traditions develop of celebrations and house events and it is lovely to see the children’s joy at seeing each other again after being away for holidays. Over the years each family has also had emergencies to deal with and have been only too pleased to help each other out.

Modern technology means that it is easier than ever to feel closer to the support network of family and friends from home and hold on to special relationships. Even so, this can’t replace having true friends to rely on where you live. Finding these friends might be a challenge but with a positive attitude, it can be a fun and interesting journey. Moving abroad may also prove to be a wonderful opportunity to create a “surrogate family,” a circle of specially chosen friends who function like a real family and offer love and support that may last a lifetime.

By Louise Humphrey

Louise is an English teacher living near Zurich with her husband and two children. She lived in London and worked in Information Technology before moving to Switzerland in 2009.

Illustration by Lara Friedrich

Lara has been a freelance illustrator for Mothering Matters since early 2013. She is in her second year of university, where she’s currently working as an assistant in a research project in pedagogy. Lara is also an assistant translator from German to English for various fiction books, as well as being a demo singer for the songwriter Kate Northrop.