“Getting Through”: Is This True Of Breastfeeding?
Many mothers experience so many difficulties with the first baby that they find that breastfeeding is part of their stress. So they either do not start, or they give up after a short time. There can be many reasons for this. They may not have the support that is so valuable at the beginning, especially when there are difficulties. There may be family or relationship problems, or they just find it impossible to cope with a fussy, hungry baby. Perhaps it was “not the done thing” in their family of origin. Possibly they needed to return quickly to work and thought they would not be able to do both, or that it was hardly worth trying for just a month or two. This is where La Leche League (LLL) can help.
The first days with a newborn – whether you are experienced or not – can be fraught with tension and worry, and very often are not the ecstatic time one is so often led to believe and expect. In our informal monthly LLL Group meetings, mothers can relax in a supportive atmosphere and hear how other mothers have survived and learned to enjoy and appreciate breastfeeding. LLL Leaders may be contacted by email or telephone to answer questions and to provide the kind of information and reassurance that Adam’s mother (see story below) so desperately needed. Many mothers find their route to “getting through” breastfeeding with their babies takes them down the LLL road, and this is especially true with the second baby. Adam’s mother was filled with regrets that she did not breastfeed Adam, and was so happy to find that, encouraged by LLL, she was able to breastfeed her second child.
“Throughout my pregnancy I had been ambivalent about breastfeeding, although I knew it was best for the baby. I read about thrush and blisters, mastitis and plugged ducts, cracked nipples and engorgement. By the time I finished educating myself, I was completely terrified by the idea of breastfeeding our son. But all the books said it was important, and so I wavered until an ultrasound at 41 weeks showed a very large baby. The doctor recommended a cesarean, and I made the final decision to bottle-feed. The delivery nurse said I would never have enough milk for such a big baby and that I had made the right decision.
Four days after the birth I was surprised to realize that I wanted to nurse Adam. Late at night as I sat in bed, I wondered what would happen if we tried. What would people think? What would my husband say? Would anyone be supportive? The nurse said it wouldn’t work. Then I put my baby to my breast. Our nursing relationship lasted only a minute or two. I was overcome with fear of disapproval and I felt ashamed. I was afraid people would think it was dirty. I never nursed Adam again.
After that I learned a few things: What it is to regret. Countless screaming nights while the formula warmed up. Countless times when Adam had to wait because the bottle wasn’t ready. Regretting that I could not comfort him as a breastfeeding mother. I learned about the things people say to make you feel better. I learned why my husband said he was glad I didn’t breastfeed. He replied that he knew it was a difficult decision for me, and he wanted to support me in whatever choice I made. How I cried when I heard that.
But I also learned that no matter how challenging, difficult or painful it might be, I would breastfeed if given a second chance. I had the chance two years later, when our daughter Julia weighed in at 10 pounds 13 ounces (4.9 kg). I was still frightened but happy that I had been given an opportunity to right a wrong, to mend something that broke in me when I chose not to breastfeed my son.
Julia and I had our difficulties getting started. It took Julia two months until she had learned to latch on properly. My husband drove three hours to rent a special scale so that we could see how much Julia took at each feeding. He demonstrated a thousand times over that he would support me in whatever I chose. But it was my regret over not nursing Adam that kept me going.
Once Adam was watching me nurse his little sister and he said, ‘I drank milk from you, too, when I was a little baby.’ My heart squeezed tight. One day I will tell him about our nursing relationship and I will tell him I fed him from my heart every single day, as I was not able to feed him from my breast.”
Adam’s story taken from the LLL New Beginnings publication, January/February 2008
By Joanna Koch Illustration by Susana Gutierrez
