Tales from a Bilingual Household

They would say, “Your English is impeccable!” “I should hope so – it’s my mother tongue,” I would curtly reply, then asking with a wry smile: “Where did you learn to speak such good English?”

This is an example of the many “compliments” I’ve received which took me by surprise after I moved to Switzerland. My emotions have been ruffled at times. I am Indian and a very proud one at that. English is my mother tongue, but I had never thought much about the fact that I grew up speaking only English in India. Was it unusual? No! Certainly not for me, anyway. I have always exclusively spoken English with my friends and family.

As time went by, I started thinking about my cultural identity and how people react to me; today I no longer find their reactions insulting, simply uninformed. I am a product of colonial India. I’m quite confused myself sometimes, as you may be by now.

I speak English as my first language; I have a Portuguese last name but can’t speak a word of the language I owe my name to. I look Indian and I speak a fair amount of Swiss German. To make a long story short, I’m Anglo-Indian: we are people who have mixed Indian and European ancestry. English is our native language in India. But as much as I love a Sunday roast or shepherd’s pie, I also love my curry and rice any day of the week.

In India we grow up in societies that are brimming with a rich diversity of languages, cuisines, cultures, and traditions. Growing up in India’s multicultural vastness formed me and helped with the pressure of my recent decision of how to go about bringing cultural identity to my offspring. In India this is not something that is ever discussed. Passing on cultural identity is something that comes naturally like breathing air. It is passed on gracefully and received with pride.

I came to Switzerland when I was 25 to do an internship for a year. During that time I met the love of my life, a Swiss man, and I later married him. I’m now 34, raising a bilingual toddler in Switzerland. I never read any books on how to raise a bilingual child. I have gone with my heart and gut.

I found out I was pregnant in the winter of 2012…ecstatic, over the moon and overwhelmed. My husband was all of that to the power of 100. What language we spoke to our child was the last thing on our minds. We took a very relaxed approach to it.

Prior to having my son I worked as an English teacher in private bilingual daycares/kindergartens in Zurich. Most of the children I worked with were bilingual and multilingual. It was interesting to watch how they developed their language skills. What I learned and observed from this was that children who spoke one language at home were less likely to mix up languages and seldom rebelled over speaking a second language. However, children who spoke one language with the mother and one with the father often used mix-and-match sentences to communicate. “Mummy, may I have Wasser, bitte.” This helped me decide that when I had a child I would like to have our home environment in one language.

I observed my bi-national peers to see how they were raising their children. Friends of mine speak two different languages at home. Mum speaks English, Dad speaks Swiss German and the kids, well, Swiss German. English was received with critical eyebrows and was shunned initially. The dominating language was Swiss German. I could see that Mum felt very left out at times, even though she spoke fluent Swiss German. From this I learnt how I didn’t want to raise my child.

My husband and I communicate in English – from love at first sight up to today. His English is on par with native speakers. I say that because there are enough cultural and communication gaps between bi-national couples, there is no need to add fuel to the fire by trying to speak German with him. This made my decision very easy as to what language I wanted to raise our child with.

Since we spoke English together this set the stage for English as our family language. Why change something when it worked well? I also wanted my child to be able to communicate with my family without hiccups. I then discussed this idea with my husband. I told him we would speak English as our family language, and he could exclusive speak Swiss German when he was alone with our child. My reasoning was, our child would definitely learn the community language from his environment. My husband liked the idea and we embraced it.

Our choice was received with criticism from my in-laws and by some friends. They were very concerned as to how our child would learn Swiss German. They all supported the idea of the One Person, One Language (OPOL) approach. We stayed strong and carried on as planned with the controversial, less popular Minority Language at Home (ML@H) method.

Our son started speaking English very early and has never ceased to ramble on. We put him into daycare twice a week since he was two and a half. From then on his Swiss German flourished. He is now almost three and speaks fluent English. Swiss German is not so far behind. He now understands that he speaks English with Mummy and Daddy. He can also speak Swiss German with Daddy. And on the playground with his friends, it’s Swiss German all the way.

To be honest, I have to say that for my husband this decision wasn’t all smooth sailing. One day at the beginning of the year he came to me and said, “It broke my heart today on the playground. Our son didn’t understand the other kids and couldn’t reply.” I laughed it off, saying, “Wait a month or two and you’ll be amazed. He’s listening, learning and understanding.” True enough! He’s now got the gift of the gab in two languages and he’s not even three yet.

On a lighter note, being a bilingual household has its funny language moments. Here’s a conversation between my son and me on the changing table:

Me: Please can you stop fighting me; let’s get dressed and go outside.
Son: Mama, no, I don’t want to! (kick)
Me: (deep breath)
Son: (kick, kick, kick)
Me: Okay…left leg in…right leg in…
Son (kick, kick, whine): Nooooooooooooooo!
Me (deeeeeeeeeep breathing): Also…chomm jetzt! Es ghot aber gar nöd! Mini Geduld isch fasch weg! (Translation: “Okay, come on now. My patience is almost gone.”)
Son (wide eyed, no longer kicking): Mama, please don’t talk Switzerland!

Consistency is the key to raising a child with two or more languages. Whatever you decide and whichever approach you take, stick to it. This is a highly personal process, and what works for your family might not work for another. Have faith in your decision. And revel in the idea that one day your child will be happily bilingual and growing up with a multicultural identity.

By Maria de Conceicao Wittwer

Maria comes from India, and she moved to Switzerland for love. She worked as an English editor in India and as an English teacher in Switzerland. She is on toddler duty at the moment. She is an avid chef and an amateur photographer who loves to capture her Swiss life in pictures.

Illustration by Andrea Snashall