Life Transitions

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. – Karen Kaiser Clark

Life is change.

Nothing stays the same, no matter how hard we try to freeze or recreate the special moments and wonderful events that we share with loved ones. We are always transitioning from one life stage to another, from familiar contexts to new ones, from relationships to solitude or to new relationships, learning to let go of the old and familiar and embracing the new.

The new dramatic shift in exposure and access to information has created an environment of complexity, richness and sometimes confusion. Our lives are marked by greater unpredictability, changed social and work relationships, and certainly changed expectations. We move around the globe more than any of our predecessors, integrating into cultures, learning new languages, making new friends, and pursuing new careers. The universe changes around us, and we are forced to keep up with it. Our bodies constantly transform, and our minds and spirits follow. We live in a continuum, constantly challenged and changed by new experiences, emotions, and interactions.

Transitioning through change gracefully and meaningfully is something that we all need to explore, analyse, and understand. It is the art of meaningful living and a door to self-knowledge and self-growth. Change is a shift in a life situation. Transition is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of the way things used to be and reorient themselves to the way things are now; it is the psychological reorientation that people must go through to manage the change.

From a psychological point of view, every transition process has three phases:

• A transition begins with a change in a life situation, an ending of something familiar, and the birth of a new element that we need to incorporate into our life. Some life changes are desired and welcomed, while others are avoided, postponed, and dreaded. Regardless of the nature of the change, the transitioning process must start with a letting go of the old and the willingness to embrace the new.

• Once we have moved through the first step we might find ourselves living in “two places”; transition is a process, a gradual abandonment of old customs, habits and relationships and the creation of new ones. Most of us who moved from one country to another have felt disconnected from the original environment but not yet connected to the new one.

• The final stage is the complete adaptation to and integration into the new life context.

What can we do to make transitions easier?

All transitions involve losses and gains. For some of them it might seem impossible to see the positive aspects and it might take a lot of soul searching and fresh eyes to identify them.

Do not set time limits for yourself! When transitioning it is not time but energy that is of the essence. Make sure that you learn to monitor your energy level and keep it at the high end. Everything seems harder to achieve when you lack energy. Beware of the energy thieves: indecision, worry and second-guessing, procrastination, confused goals/priorities, unrealistic assumptions and expectations, poor organization, and the inability to say NO.

Transitions are a process, not an outcome. Most of us go through several transitions at the same time, involving very complex changes on different levels in our life.

Do not compare your progress with other people; we are all unique no matter how similar our life circumstances might seem.

Transitions can only be managed in the present time zone. Analysing the past or looking fearfully into the future trying to predict the possible dangers can only lead to depression and/or anxiety.

Transitions are managed more easily with support and encouragement from others. Make sure that you have a good support network and that you have as much contact as possible with other people going through the same situation. Never hesitate to ask for help; reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of courage!

Develop a sense of humour; it is the easiest way to dissipate tension and create a pleasant environment for problem-solving and connecting to others. Did your family teach you how to smile at the world, how to laugh at yourself and how to keep life in perspective? Adults appear very serious to children and especially to teenagers. It’s as if we give up laughter in our lives as we take on the responsibilities of adult life.

Keep an open mind, be open to everyone and everything that comes your way, allow yourself to embrace different possibilities, opportunities, people, views, suggestions and interests.

The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. – Marcel Proust

By Raluca Babota

Raluca is a psychologist and the mother of two daughters. She lived in Romania, Japan and the U.K. before relocating with her family to Zurich in 2012. To find out more about her work, visit her webpage: www.psychology.babota.com.

Illustration by Ivy Hieber-Kwok

Ivy illustrated for Mothering Matters even “way back” in the print days.