Eight Things I’ve Learnt About Being a New Mother

My second entry for Project Mummy is ultra short, because pecking out a one-handed column and holding 5.4 kilos of baby is a tricky exercise. I have a window of perhaps 10 minutes before my daughter is nominated wriggle monster of the year and screams like there is no tomorrow. My usual platitude to calm her down of, “It’s not a crisis; think of the people in Syria,” is unlikely to work for much longer.

This post is a tribute to all the mums out there, including my own. I can only apologise for my total ignorance up to quite recently about what it means to be a mother. Since the birth of my little girl two months ago, the scales have well and truly fallen from my eyes. Anyone who is trying to get pregnant or is currently pregnant, please read the following carefully. Some of my more unusual insights include the following:

1. Sleep, baby, sleep. I was told by many people to get as much sleep as I could before the baby arrived. I always regarded this as such irritating advice – as if I could somehow store it up in advance and draw on this virtual sleep bank when I was at my most desperate! After not having slept for more than five or six hours straight in nearly nine weeks, I now fantasise about waking up and feeling like something closely resembling a human. I would even trade my grandmother for it, bless her, if she were still alive. I have finally conceded that I need a reminder note scrawled with, “Sleep when the baby sleeps!” stuck on every mirror in my home.
2. Brace yourself. My daughter crying – I mean really crying, with authentic tears running down her fat cheeks – has to be one of the most distressing things in the world to watch. I would sell a body part to soothe her pain.
3. The miracle of childbirth is just that, a miracle. The body is an incredibly intelligent organism and knows what it is doing. The best thing I heard to relieve my fear about labour was to surrender and trust that your body will follow its ancient wiring. I clung to this mantra when I was most afraid on the actual day.
4. Pain relief drugs like epidurals were developed for a reason: childbirth is painful. Drugs were not possible for me during the birth, but now I understand why even the most stoic of women might scream, “Get me drugs, NOW.”
5. Taking a baby home is not like in the movies. It’s physically painful, chaotic and overwhelming. Operating instructions tailored specifically for your little person, even if they were written IKEA style, would be worth millions.
6. Breastfeeding is not easy. In fact, at the beginning it can seem more painful than giving birth, because it doesn’t yet have an end point. Fortunately, there is lots of help available like La Leche League and lactation consultants. It is worth persevering with if it works for you and your baby.
7. Having a good midwife is a godsend. Giving birth in a foreign country when your language skills are questionable is a challenging experience. Finding someone who could stay with me during the entire birth made a huge difference.
8. Go low. I have finally accepted that I need to lower my expectations about how much I can get done in a day while looking after a young baby. This basically translates into “not much.” But it’s somehow nice to let go of my lists and just concentrate on this little human who needs only my loving care.

Under instructions from my husband, I must add a final note in case I have put off any potential mums-to-be. A baby’s smile in the early hours of the morning is enough to immediately erase all the difficult bits that led up to that point. It is a moment of intense love that no amount of money can buy.

By Melissa Birchler

Melissa left behind the shores of sunny Sydney in 2011 and now lives with her Swiss man, his four children and their new baby outside Zurich. She is a freelance journalist and writer who is currently muddling her way through motherhood and its challenges in a foreign country.

Illustration by Jen Bognar