The Science of Happiness: Positive Psychology
With extended families, friends, and often careers left behind, navigating a new life in a foreign country can at times turn into a roller coaster of emotions. No matter how safe and beautiful Switzerland is, it is natural to go through rough patches. Together with Zurich-based positive psychologist Kristen Truempy, we discuss the art and science of positive psychology, and better ways to adjust and feel good about ourselves and about local life.
Kristen, you have university degrees in both general psychology and applied positive psychology. Could you explain the difference between the two and also define positive psychology?
Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life worth living. Positive psychologists research the best in people, relationships, and communities, so we can spread that knowledge and enable people to enjoy happier and more meaningful lives. While mainstream psychology often deals with unhealthy aspects, positive psychology focuses on the advantages; it’s the science of well-being.
How new is this science of wellbeing?
It originated in the U.S. in the late 1990s, when the president of the American Psychological Association decided that psychology finally needed to promote the positive sides of life more. And this idea has since become popular around the world.
Switzerland is a dream country to live in. Still, so many families who come here find it hard to adjust. How would you explain this?
Most expats have all the material things they need, but their psychological needs are not met. Families have to figure out a lot of things that they took for granted in their home country. That’s the challenge every expat goes through, no matter where they are in the world.
How can Mothering Matters readers use positive psychology to adjust better and feel good?
Women, in particular, have a tendency to worry a lot about the comfort and happiness of their spouses and children. While they immerse themselves in their husband’s and kids’ needs and problems, they ignore their own wants and necessities. Women have to take time to explore what helps and what could be hindering their own wellbeing. And that’s where positive psychology comes in. It’s an applied science that shows how to identify and use your own invigorating strengths and values. Once you discover those, you become happier, stronger and in turn more capable of supporting your family members.
Also, women have many self-critical voices inside of them. Positive psychology can help to reduce this harming self-deprecatory talk.
Kristen, you specialize in strengths. Could you talk more about what that means?
Personal strengths and weaknesses are part of the backbone of positive psychology. We work with four categories: realized strengths, weaknesses, learned behaviors, and unrealized strengths. Your realized strengths are energizing and you already apply them quite often. Regular weaknesses deplete your vitality and joy and need to be removed or at least reduced. Learned behaviors are things we are good at but that nevertheless drain us and that might lead to burnout. And unrealized strengths are those forces that empower and fulfil you, but which you don’t use frequently enough. It’s crucial to know them and bring them into your life. I analyze all of those things together with my clients and develop a strategy to remove as many regular weaknesses and learned behaviors as possible, while introducing more realized and unrealized strengths into their daily routines to make them feel energized and happy.
How long does it take to achieve those things?
It depends. Some people need one inspirational moment, one shift. For them, one inspirational revelation is enough to completely change their patterns. For the majority it might take a bit longer – from a couple of days to a couple of years. It depends on your motivation, on what you’re trying to achieve, and how well the exercises suit you.
Could you share a couple of exercises or tips we could apply?
The best-possible-self exercise: What would happen if everything would work out in the best possible way? What would I do? How would I feel? Don’t be worried about any realistic concerns, just give yourself 15 minutes to write it up. This exercise helps, because it shows what inspires you and what things you would like to do, steering you in the direction of your dreams.
Or a concept that came to positive psychology from Buddhism: being mindful instead of judgmental. When some local customs and rules upset or annoy you, imagine yourself as a scientist who simply observes how things are. Once you get the hang of it, not needing to form a judgment about everything can be quite liberating.
Let’s talk about children now. What are the trends in positive psychology for children?
Positive psychology methods have been introduced in schools all over the world, especially in Australia, the U.S. and the U.K. Suitable exercises have been adapted for children. For example, mindfulness meditation, or learning to be aware of our thoughts and feelings and directing attention, has been done with kids as young as age five.
Which principles of positive psychology could be applied to children?
With a bit of creativity, most positive psychology interventions could probably be adapted to children. I will offer just two examples. Firstly, the backbone of positive psychology is strengths. What are your child’s strengths? Discover them together and provide opportunities for your child to use those strengths. If your child is extremely lively and sporty, ensure that s/he can participate in a lot of physical activities. If your child loves to learn, even if it has nothing to do with school, make sure s/he has that opportunity.
The second idea is related to criticizing and correcting our children. I once read that around 85% of everything we say to our children is related to things they shouldn’t be doing. Let’s try to lower this number. The kids can learn just as much when you stress the positive and highlight their good behavior and achievements. And it has this added benefit: as you won’t be constantly nagging your children anymore, they will sense the importance behind those few negative comments you do have to make.
This approach sounds great, but it might be hard to implement. What could we change in ourselves to improve our communication with kids?
Your mindset is the key. Psychologists talk about two mindsets: fixed mindset and growth mindset.
Try to develop a growth mindset yourself, and it will naturally pass to your child. People with a fixed mindset believe that we are all either intelligent/talented or not, and find anything but the best results upsetting. They often don’t even try certain things because they believe they lack what it takes. Growth mindset, on the other hand, sees every practice session as a chance to get better, every failure as a piece of information to be learned from. Within this framework, hard work pays off, even if you don’t end up with a gold medal. It has been shown that people with a growth mindset do better in many areas of life, and your child’s mindset is actually a better predictor of academic success than IQ. And the way we talk to our children shapes their mindset. A growth mindset is fostered when you respond to any situation, grade or outcome with an active and constructive statement: “What did you do that led to this result? What can you learn from this for the future?” In short, focus on what is right/positive/working with your child, your family, and your life and amplify that.
By Marina Moeller
Marina is a freelance journalist whose work has appeared in many Swiss and international magazines. Marina is always on the lookout for new friends, writing projects, and interesting people to interview. She would be happy to hear from you: marina_moeller@hotmail.com
Kristen Truempy is passionate about using positive psychology to help people become less stressed, more resilient, and happier. She teaches various courses on strengths and optimism. You can check out her free positive psychology podcasts at her website.
Illustration by Laura Munteanu
Laura has studied Journalism and Advertising, and has been working as a journalist and an illustrator. She has been illustrating for magazines, websites, charity and diverse campaigns. She lives in Zurich with her husband and seven-year-old daughter.
